reflection on marriage

Marriage homily

As we reflect upon God's word today, the message throughout the readings, a common theme is love. Jesus said: “Love one another as I have loved you. St. Paul's message to the Corinthian Church is to do everything in the spirit of love. If I have faith to move mountains, but do not love, then I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, but do not love, then I gain nothing. If I speak with an angelic tongue, but do not love, I'm like a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. It's not that these elements (faith, charity, speech) are not important, but they must be done in a spirit of love, and letting love be the guiding principle that directs our thoughts and actions.

In our first reading from the book of Genesis, is also a story about love. Adam had everything that he needed. In the garden of Eden, he had all the food that he could possibly eat, and also the plenty of animals to keep him company. But he was still unhappy, and God saw that. So, in this Hebrew mythological story, God cast Adam into a deep sleep, and then took one of his ribs, and then formed Eve. When Adam saw Eve, he said: “This one at last, is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.” In other words, from now on, they were to live as one.

I remember reading a Greek mythological story about marriage. The story was told that at one point, human beings were very powerful and strong. They were four armed, and four legged creatures, and the Greeks gods were so concerned, that they decided to split them in half and place them as far as they could from each other. And the two halves would spent the rest of their lives looking for their other half, and upon finding their other half, they were complete. The Greek story is a story about God preventing marriage. But the Hebrew story is different because God gifted humanity with marriage. Married love is from God.

But as we continue the story of creation, we see the opponent, the Evil One, tries to disrupt the order, and leads them away from the gift of love. In a form of a serpent, he began to confuse Adam and Eve. God told them if they ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, there will be serious consequences. But the Evil One tempted the woman: “You will not die, but your eyes will be opened, and you will become like God.” Notice that one of the first sacraments in the Bible is the Sacrament of Marriage. The Evil One wants to destroy marriages. One thing that the Evil One doesn't like to see is happy, married couples, who are in love. In fact, he is furious and upset when he see married couples in love. He'll do everything he can to separate and divide, and he will continue to try to do with you. But don't let him win. Today, on your marriage day, God is victorious, and good has triumph. We are on the winning side.

______ & _________, may the Lord bless your vocation of marriage all the days of your life. Amen

Marriage homily

As we reflect upon God's word today, one of the common fears that we may all have is the fear of being alone. The fear of not having someone to share our innermost thoughts and feelings, our joys, happiness and sorrows, our success and our defects God's word offers a solution.
In the Gospel, Jesus gives a new commandment: “Love one another as I have loved you. This is how all will come to know that you are my disciples, that you love one another.” The Lord Jesus, sets a standard for all humanity. Love is not to just love the other person in the way that we want to, or the way that we feel like it, but to love in the way that Jesus loved us. The Cross of Jesus is the example of that love, a love that is completely and totally for the other person. It is not something easy for us to naturally, but we can do so with the grace of God, as we look to the Lord for inspiration and example. Pope Francis once said: “Don't worry so much about self-preservation.” This goes against every natural instinct that we have, and our first concern is always to protect oneself. But as the Lord said: “Those who save their lives will lose it, but those who lose their life for my sake will find it.” God doesn't ask us to make sacrifices unless He offers something better in return. He offers us joy, meaning and purpose for our lives. As followers of Christ, we see the value and meaning in the cross of Jesus, his complete kenosis, self-emptying for love of humanity.

In our first reading from the book of Genesis, the Jewish mythology about creation of humanity, and the creation of marriage and family, Adam was in the garden of Eden by himself. Although he had everything that he could possibly need and want, all the food he could eat, all the animals to keep him company, but he still felt alone. God cast Adam into a deep sleep, and took a rib from his side, and created a woman. Adam was delighted to see Eve, so much that he said: “This one at last, is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.” From that day forward, they were to live their lives as one. This is the first marriage, and it's God's gift to humanity.

But as we continue the story of creation, we see that the Evil One trying to disrupt that order. In a form of a serpent, he began to confuse them. God told them that they would die, if they ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. But the Evil One tempted the woman: “You will not die, but your eyes will be opened, and you will become like God.” Notice that one of the first sacraments in the Bible is the Sacrament of Marriage. The Evil One tries to disrupt that Sacrament. One of the things that the Evil One doesn't like to see is happy, married couples, who are in love. In fact, he is furious and upset when he see married couples in love. He'll do everything he can to separate and divide, and he will continue to try to do with you. But don't let him win. Today, on your marriage day, God is victorious, and good has triumph.

St. Paul praises the virtue of love as the greatest of all virtues. He said: “If I have faith to move mountains, but do not love, then I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, but do not love, then I gain nothing. If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not love, then I am like a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. It doesn't mean that faith is not important, or sharing our resources is not important, but it's in the attitude, letting love be a guiding principle, that directs our thoughts and actions.

______ & _________, may the Lord bless your vocation of marriage all the days of your life. Amen.

The Lord Jesus, in the parable of the Lost Sheep, gives us a glimpse into the heart of God. Who among you, if you have 100 sheep, and if you lost one, you would leave the 99 in the wilderness and search for the Lost Sheep. Most of us would not do so, from a practical standpoint. We would cut our losses, because we still have 99. But the Lord would never abandon ship, I'm sorry, abandon sheep. We may identify ourselves more with the 99, but if we can see ourselves as the Lost Sheep, it would help to appreciate his loving heart. I remember a Cardinal Van Thuan, who once shared that God is not really good at math. How could 99 equal 1? How could 1 equal 99? The Parable of the Lost Sheep gives us a glimpse into the heart of God.

Recently, I read an article on the Northwest Catholic Magazine, the Archdiocesan Magazine. A couple shared about their experience with Retrouvaille, which was a program to help married couples fall in love again, and to be re-engaged. They shared that their marriage was falling apart after 10 years. The husband shared that he felt like a failure when he moved out of their home, and they were on the verge of getting a divorce.

But they shared that through the Retrouvaille Program, they learned that they were not alone. Sharing their story, and listening to other couples' stories have helped them grow. They learned to listen, to understand one another. The couple shared that as they started having children, they began to focus primarily on raising their children. The children became their focus (of course, that is not a bad thing). But through the program, they shifted their focus. God came first, and second is their spouses, and thirdly the children. They prioritize their lives, and they had a different perspective. When they grew closer to God, and closer to one another, caring for one another, the children turned out just fine.

Marriage, Divorce and Annulments

Recently, a parishioner sent me an email forwarding an article about Pope Francis' comment that has to do with marriage and divorce.  

In this particular article, Pope Francis spoke of something called an "oikonomia of stewardship." 

In the Orthodox Church, it appears that one divorce is permitted.  Whereas in the Roman Catholic Church, divorce is not allowed period.  

So how does the Catholic Church allow for remarriage?  But I would be in error to use the word remarriage since in the first place, since divorce is not allowed.  "What God has joined, man must never divide."  

The Church does allow for an annulment.  An annulment basically is a declaration that the marriage is invalid to begin with.  There was something lacking whether it be consent, or full understanding of what marriage is suppose to be, lifelong and exclusive.  

This would mean that if someone seeks an annulment, they would have to admit that their marriage is invalid.  It doesn't concern with how long they have been married or how many children they have.  It's pretty clear, cut and dry.  If they cannot admit to it, the annulment process can not proceed.  

What I find difficult to accept is for instance a person has a spouse that ends up leaving.  It would seem reasonable and just for that person to get a divorce, remarriage and can still receive Holy Communion.  Spare the paperwork, processing fees and the time it takes for the annulment process to go through, right?  After all, it would be a pastoral thing to do.  It's not their fault to begin with.  By giving them a second chance, they could once again receive Holy Communion.  

But then there are consequences to this way of thinking.  When does it end?  How many divorces can they have?  

Also, it undermines the marriage vow. "I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.  I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

If the Church allows for divorce and re-marriage, it may fall under the guise of being pastoral.  Of course, I like pastoral care.  But in this case, it may also undermine the marriage vows that couples make to each other.  Those words are not only holy, sacred and life giving.  But they are also binding.

By making it permissible for divorce and remarriage, I wonder if it will actually keep the parishioners coming to Church, or if parishioners may lose confidence in something that they value which is marriage. 

For instance, hypothetically, even if I get a divorce, I don't want the Church to change the rules just for me.  I still believe that those vows are sacred and binding.  

So it's the tough love attitude versus the nice guy.

Furthermore, is withholding communion for divorce and remarried persons, who have not undergone an annulment, a good thing.  It may not seem like it in the short run because "man, you are so mean".  Would it be better in the long run, or would the sheep wander off forever. 

But think about this.  When couples exchange their marriage vows, not only do they have the responsibility to keep those vows.  The priest, deacon and witnesses, everyone present, all share the burden of ensuring that the marriage covenant can never be broken.